


This Is My Confession

by Aluxra



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, The Rain Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 17:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12237444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aluxra/pseuds/Aluxra
Summary: After realising L means to deliberately get himself killed by testing the Notebook, Light realises he has to stop him no matter what.





	This Is My Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Hooooly shit this took so much longer than I anticipated, I kept writing myself into a corner, having to delete and start again and still end up in a fucking corner, but it's finally here, it's done, it's not 100% edited but I'll do that later.
> 
> Enjoy xXx

Light looked up through the glass at the blank grey canvas of the sky above them, the relentless downpour rushing over the slanted roof in a roar that matched the rumble of thunder closing in from a dwindling distance. He rubbed the towel over the back of his neck and up through his hair, drying off as best as he could: he could do nothing about his soaked clothes, would have to deal with them later. In the meantime, he looked away from the dull grey expanse of the sky as L approached, his body more hunched than usual, his own towel hanging over his head like a funeral shroud.

Light startled, surprising himself with such imagery.

Why should he be startled, though? Was that not the plan – to see L in a funeral shroud and six feet under? He had set this plan in motion the moment L put Lind L. Taylor in front of a camera and taunted Light to kill him with a warped voice from behind a letter on a screen. He had planned for the day that he would never suffer those dark, owlish eyes on him ever again, analysing him, making deductions too close to the truth to be allowed to continue living. That day would come soon, and those haunting eyes would close forever; the last thing they would ever see would be Light looking down at him in victory. He would know the face of Kira and would be unable to do anything about it.

He turned away, and closed his eyes, towelling off his hair. He opened them a heartbeat later when he felt pressure on his foot, jumping at the cool touch and looking down, wide eyed. L crouched on the lower step, his hand resting on Light’s foot, his long, slim fingers curling around his ankle. Light dropped his towel, gawping at L in silence. L met his gaze with unnerving sincerity, his free hand holding the towel he had had draped over his head.

‘W-what the – what are you _doing_ , Ryuzaki?’ Light blurted out, frozen where he sat.

L looked down at his foot, before he raised his gaze back to Light.

‘I thought perhaps I would help you dry off,’ he replied quietly, already bringing the towel to Light’s foot. ‘I could give you a massage too, as an apology for bringing you out into the rain. I’ve been told I’m quite good at them.’

‘That’s not…’ Light trailed off with a sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. He had learnt by now that some things were not worth arguing with L over; better just to pick his battles when it came to him. ‘Do whatever you want, Ryuzaki.’

‘Very well,’ L replied quietly, sliding the towel under Light’s foot and gripping it with both hands through the material. Light winced when L's fingers dug into the sole of his foot, the towel scratching along the arch as he moved. He flexed his foot, nudging L’s hand.

‘Hey.’

‘Sorry,’ L muttered, focused on his task. ‘You’ll get used to it in a moment.’

‘If you say so, Ryuzaki.’ Light sighed, leaning back against the stairs and looking up through the skylight at the dull, empty sky. Despite the storm and the time of day, the clouds were still a faded, light grey, pale in comparison to L’s eyes.

Light blinked, startling himself for a second time thinking of L, and his dark, unnerving eyes.

He supposed the reason they were so unnerving was because they were so dark; bordered by thick, heavy eyelashes and the permanent bags that resided under his eyes. The charcoal grey of the iris blended seamlessly into his pupil, making his eye look solid black. Light could see his reflection in them whenever they stood too close – a regular occurrence when they were both in chains – and they stared right through him, as they always did, barely blinking.

He looked down at the crown of L’s head, the unruly nest of hair haloing his head heavy with rainwater. It gathered in droplets down the strands, beading at the tips of the clumps it formed into, dripping steadily to the ground. Several droplets splashed onto Light’s foot, and he watched them slide over the curve of it and down the side with mild interest. L stopped massaging Light's foot, fixated on the droplets as they trailed down Light’s skin. It tickled, but Light paid no attention to them for longer than necessary, turning to grab his towel and dropped it onto L’s head.

L froze, tensing under the towel.

‘Don’t forget, you still need to dry off, too,’ Light said, half-teasingly. He rubbed the towel over L’s head, ruffling his hair and sliding the towel down around his face, wiping away the water. He slowed when he came to L’s cheek, stroking the soft material of the towel over his cold skin, tracking a course down to his jaw. Curling his fingers under L’s chin, he pushed his head up, bringing their gazes back to each other.

L stared at him from behind his ink-black bangs, his lips parted at the beginning of a question he wouldn’t – or couldn’t – ask. Light held his gaze, his own face reflected in the black mirrors of L’s eyes. They flickered with something unreadable, before they closed off and his stare became as void as his voice. Yet, something in his eyes, his expression, his whole face – something about L unnerved Light more than usual, something he couldn’t pinpoint. It irked him; a puzzle refusing to be solved, a question unwilling to be answered.

L swallowed, the click of his throat loud over the dull rush of rain against the roof above them, breaking the silence stretching between them. Light dropped his hand away from L’s face, propping his elbows onto the steps behind him. L dropped his chin back to his chest, saying nothing. Light didn’t even know what had just transpired, what had compelled him to touch L, especially with such tenderness and care. It seemed the enigma continued to grow in complexity, and the need to solve it grew with it.

He could let it go: in a few days - perhaps sooner, depending on how quickly L would make his next move - it wouldn’t matter anymore, and he’d be free. He would be free of those dark eyes, the constant, quiet presence that followed him no matter where he went, invading his space even when they were in separate rooms, on separate floors. The cloying smell of sweets and pastries assaulted Light’s nose no matter where he was or what he did, the soft, raspy monotone voice was the last thing he could hear before he fell asleep, and always, always, those dark, penetrating eyes on him, watching him, looking right through him. It would all be gone, and he could move on without ever needing to solve the impossible question L seemed to pose. He could let it go, he could leave the enigma alone.

He found the idea less appealing than he had in the past.

‘It will be quite lonely, won’t it?’ L said suddenly, his eyes still downcast, unmoving where he knelt at Light’s feet. Light snapped out of his trance, his brow furrowing in confusion.

‘What?’

L looked up, a small, sad smile ghosting across his face. It unnerved Light more than the blank, closed stare. ‘You and I… we’ll be parting ways soon. Yes, very soon.’

Light stared at him in silence, suddenly numb to his wet clothes and the cold stairwell. L met his gaze with a calm acceptance that chilled Light to the bone, unable to tear his eyes away. A creeping sensation shot up his spine, a niggling thought at the back of his mind that… that…

L knew.

L had already figured out what Light had planned, and chose to walk right into it.

_Impossible._

Yet, there wasn’t a doubt in Light’s mind that it was possible: there was only one outcome now, and L had no choice but to walk into it.

_But he should be doing it unknowingly._

Light stared at him incredulously, unable to fathom the logic to willingly walk into death. Unless he had something up his sleeve, some mad scheme that would throw Light onto the defence once again and their game would continue once more.

Yet, what else could he do? L had a weakness for knowing answers; he couldn't leave a puzzle unsolved, or a theory untested: he would _want_  to test the Notebook. He’d want to test the fake 13-day rule Light had written in the front. He’d implicate Misa again, and Rem wouldn’t dare let that happen. She’d kill L and Watari and herself to save Misa’s life, taking all three of them out of Light’s way. L would die, and the last thing he’d see would be… He would see…

_Oh._

A shrill buzz startled Light from his realisation, his eyes never leaving L as L dropped the towel and drew his mobile from his back pocket, flicking it open and holding it to his ear. The conversation was short – six seconds at most – before L cut the link and slid the phone back into his pocket with a sombre finality unbefitting of such a trivial gesture. He stood, unmoving, for a heartbeat, before he turned to Light, his expression deceptively calm.

‘Time to go.’ He spun on the ball of his foot and began to descend the stairs without hesitation, leaving Light staring after him.

Light pushed himself to his feet, following him.

‘Ryuzaki?’ he called after him. L didn’t turn around, already on the platform connecting the two flights of stairs. ‘Ryuzaki!’

L ignored him, striding ahead with conviction, his eyes firmly set ahead. Light grit his teeth, hurrying after him. ‘ _Ryuzaki_!’

L reached the second set of stairs, and Light watched as he pulled his hand from his pocket, and reached out to hold onto the railing.  One little innocuous movement: cool metal meeting his fingers, his palm whispering down the length of it as he descended, the residue of water trailing behind his hand where his soaked sleeve brushed against the railing. His fingertips glided gently over the curve of the railing, as if he wanted to feel the cool smoothness of the metal, as if he wanted to commit it to memory before he exited the open, empty stairwell into the main building. As if he knew he would never feel it against his skin again.

L knew.

L had been one step ahead of him, somehow – perhaps he’d always been one step ahead of him – and now he was going to make his final move, one Light couldn’t counter. He would win.

Light couldn’t lose.

He _wouldn’t_ lose.

Light balled his hands into fists, stopping at the bottom of the stairs as L began to descend the next flight, never once looking back.

‘ _L!_ ’

L stopped on the third step from the top as his name rang out in the emptiness, echoing off the walls. It rose up to the ceiling and escaped into the storm, the single letter that encompassed the entirety of one life swallowed by the thunder. He stood motionless, his hand on the railing, his eyes forward. The silence stretched on between them, the heavy rain lashing against the building, thunder rumbling overhead. Light could read nothing from L’s body language, and he would not turn to face him, so all he could do was glare at the back of his head.

‘Light,’ L said quietly. ‘I asked you not to call me by that name during this case.’

‘What are you doing?’ Light demanded, ignoring him. He couldn’t even feel surprised under his frustration of being beaten once more; L had always known, no matter how many times Light attempted to throw them off his trail. L would never deduce the existence of a Kira that had not been created by Light as a diversion from the truth.

L looked over his shoulder, the bored look on his face masking hatever thoughts hid beneath. ‘I am heading back to Task Force Headquarters. We should hurry. They will be waiting for us.’

‘Quit playing games, L,’ Light snapped. ‘What are you _going_ to do?’

L hummed under his breath, his chin falling to his chest, eyes downcast to the floor. He said nothing for several long heartbeats; Light could hear his own thundering in his ears, his blood pounding through them, waiting for L to answer him, to explain himself, to confirm what Light had a growing, nauseating suspicion of what he was going to say because he had planned for him to say it. He felt ill with the thought, waiting for L to speak, unwilling to break the silence between them.

‘“Playing games?” Yes, I suppose the time for games has long since passed,’ L said, his eyes hidden by the shadows cast by his hair. He finally looked up at Light, his eyes sad and terrifying in their unwavering _knowing_ , locking Light in place where he stood. ‘I am going to test the Death Note.’

‘ _Why_?’ Light demanded, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles in frustration. ‘You sign your own death warrant if you do that.’

‘I am going to die, Light,’ L replied coolly. ‘But it won’t be the result of a fake rule inserted into the Note out of desperation to avoid suspicion.’

Light seethed, shaking his head as he dragged his hand through his hair. He couldn’t let L die now: not when doing so would hand him the final victory in their game, give him the satisfaction of having the last word, the last move before he died. He wouldn’t lose to L.

‘This isn’t actually about catching Kira, is it, L?’ Light asked. ‘It’s not about justice, or doing what’s right, or stopping a mass murderer. You just want to win.’

‘Remember Light: “he who strikes first, wins.”’

They stared at each other in the pause that followed, until L’s phone rang from within his pocket again.

L broke eye contact first, reaching for his phone. He withdrew it from his pocket and flipped it open. It was half way to his ear when pain exploded in his cheek, his vision engulfed in a bright white light as he tumbled down the steps, crashing to the floor at the bottom. His phone skittered away from his hand, spinning across the floor as he lay crumpled in a heap.

At the top of the stairs, Light stood, panting heavily; his hand throbbed in time with his heartbeat, his knuckles erupting in red as beads of blood speckled the broken skin. The stairs rang under his heavy footfalls as he rushed down them, his hands drawn into tight fists. He towered over L when he reached the bottom, glaring down at him as L groaned from where he lay, rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself shakily up onto his hands and knees. Light kicked him sharply in the stomach, sending him rolling across the floor, and followed with long, furious strides.

‘I cannot believe you! You are so obsessed that your theories and ideas and deductions are right, you’re willing to _die_ for them?’ Light spat. ‘You’re willing to _kill_ yourself just to prove you’re right?’

L groaned, holding himself up on one elbow, clutching his stomach with the other. He glared up at Light, a streak of blood smeared across his cheek from the corner of his mouth. Pursing his lips, he spat out a glob of bloody spittle at Light’s feet, wiping his mouth against his shoulder, marking his damp jumper.

‘Deductions are worthless without accompanying evidence, ideas are meaningless without answers to the questions they pose.' He winced in pain. 'Theories do not hold weight without being tested.’

L sat up on his knees. He coughed, curling over himself before straightening, shaking his hair out of his eyes and glaring up at Light. ‘I theorise that you are Kira, and Misa Amane is the Second Kira, and that the 13-day rule of the Death is a fake concocted by yourself in order to avoid suspicion during your fifty-day confinement.’

‘I will suggest that I will use the Death Note to kill a death row inmate, and refuse to use the Death Note for a period of thirteen days,’ L explained. ‘In order to protect yourself and Misa before I can obtain the evidence revealing the rule to be a fake, you will have the Shinigami kill me, as she has the eyes that can see my real name.’

L pointed to the space above his head, where his name and lifespan would be seen hovering over his hair had Light had the Shinigami eyes. Despite being blind to the knowledge, Light’s gaze still drifted up above the crown of L’s head, before falling back to meet L’s hard glare.

‘If I die today, _you_ are Kira,’ L concluded. ‘Misa Amane is the Second Kira, currently using a second Death Note in order to continue killing criminals outside of Task Force Headquarters surveillance. You will use the Shinigami Rem to kill me – I don’t know or care how you could convince a God to do your dirty work, but I imagine it was an easy feat for you, Light. If I die, it proves you are Kira.’

‘Not in a way that matters,’ Light argued. ‘No one would know but you.’

‘But _I_ would know.’

Light tutted, shaking his head. ‘I won’t let you do it. You don’t get to kill yourself.’

‘Are you suggesting only you may kill me? Is this a confession, Light?’

Light clenched his fists, his nose flaring with barely contained anger. Drawing his arm back, he drove his fist forward to strike L again.

Prepared this time, L jerked back, shifting his weight onto one foot and swinging the other out and around to swipe Light’s legs out from under him. Light crumpled to the floor, startled, and twisted to catch himself on his hands before his face smashed against the metal. L kept his momentum, swinging his leg up and bringing it down in an axe kick over Light’s back.

Light crashed against the floor with a shout, pain exploding up his spine from his lower back. Gritting his teeth, he looked over his shoulder to see L stumbling to his feet, and kicked the back of his knee sharply, bringing him back to the floor. Pushing himself up, he rounded on L, advancing as L tried to put distance between them to regain his own footing.

Light kept close behind him, pulling his arm back to deliver a renewed blow. L snarled, rolling onto his back and drawing his knees to his chest. He shot forward with the speed of a striking snake, the balls of his feet connecting with Light’s stomach. Light’s breath deserted him in a single, sudden, strangled gasp. His abdomen alighted with white hot fire, his vision going black as he stumbled back, trying to keep his footing and breathe and blink his way back to vision.

L kick flipped up onto his feet, sliding into fighting stance, breathing rapidly. Light lurched upright, sucking air through his teeth as he glared at L. They eyed each other critically, seeking weaknesses and openings: they had done this before, however brief that previous altercation had been. Except this time, they didn’t have the combined advantage and disadvantage they were subject to the last time.

‘No chain connecting us now, L,’ Light said, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve; he could taste blood where he’d bitten his tongue after L’s last kick. He turned his head to the side and spat it messily onto the floor.

‘I’ll happily put you back in cuffs, Light,’ L replied. ‘All I need is your confession.’

Light snarled, lunging forward and cracking his fist against L’s jaw in a right hook. L stumbled back before righting himself with inhuman speed and leapt, bringing his knee up into Light’s stomach. Light wrapped his arms around the bent leg as he fell, twisting in his descent to bring L with him.

They crashed to the floor, the metal vibrating underneath them, ringing in their ears as they grappled, trying to pin the other. Their legs tangled, knees and ankles hooking under and over each other, trying to trap and escape at the same time, neither gaining an advantage while they threw furious, increasingly frantic punches to the face, the ribs, the chest, the stomach. Light grabbed L’s jumper and pushed him to the ground, looming over him for a second before L canted his hips and threw him off, rolling them.

‘Your confession, Light!’ L snarled, aiming his fist at Light’s face. Light blocked, snapping his arms up above his face to stop him, swinging his elbow up to crack against L’s chin. His head snapped back, his grip loosening for a moment for Light to shift their balance again, pinning him again.

A moment of reprieve seemed to be agreed upon between them as they lay there panting, L lying beneath Light, his arm braced over Light’s chest just as Light’s was against his own, his free hand pinned by his head by Light’s where he was holding himself up with the help of L’s own strength. They glared at each other, blood and sweat smeared across their faces, their chest’s heaving with exertion. Tremors of adrenaline wracked their limbs, exhaustion creeping up on them.

‘You think me trying to convince you _not_ to kill yourself means I’m Kira?’ Light snarled. ‘L, you’re more twisted than I thought.’

‘You’re trying to convince me you don’t want me to die, because I _know_ I’m going to die,’ L spat. ‘You want to deliver the unexpected, final blow, and that will never happen because I know it is coming. You cannot surprise me, Light. You cannot sneak in while my back is turned to stab me. You cannot beat me if I voluntarily leave the game.’

‘I never thought of you as a quitter, L.’

‘I will no longer engage in an investigation that no longer holds my interest,’ L said. He sighed, closing his eyes and suddenly deflating in Light’s grip, sinking to the floor. His scowl smoothed out to the blank, empty expression he usually wore, staring at Light. He shrugged at Light’s incredulous look. ‘I cannot help the way I am. I think you’re a lot like me: you get bored easily. You need something interesting to keep you entertained.’

Light stared at L, his mouth dropped open at L’s candidness. A memory washed over him, turning him colder than the rain had done.

_Ryuk laughed, watching Light at his desk, mulling over the latest series of shots L and Light had aimed at each other. Light had scolded him for taking it so light heartedly, after a particular hard, unexpected strike from L, but Ryuk was hardly swayed by his annoyance. What was a man to a God, especially a God of Death? Although, Ryuk would admit, despite only being a human…_

_‘Y’know, Light, you’d make an excellent Shinigami,’ he cackled. ‘I think you were already half-way there before you ever picked up the Note, but this L guy… he’s make a damn good one, too. Shinigami get bored too easily, we need something interesting to keep us entertained. Both of you, you’re the same: you’re bored and need some entertainment. Well, looks like you’ve found something interesting to keep you busy for a while, yet!’_

A moment of clarity hit him, a sudden realisation of a conundrum that he couldn’t solve: he wanted to beat L at their game, but he didn’t want L to die.

He had never met his equal before, one who could challenge him on a level playing field and make him work for the win he coveted. People were boring, easy to solve; his life before picking up the death note had been one long, endless blur of monotony that he couldn't pick one day from another. Challenging L had woken him up for the first time in his sleepwalking through life. He had something to prove now: he wanted to show L he was smarter, better, than him. He wanted L to see that Light could outmanoeuvre him every time. He wanted to show L that his genius didn’t just match L’s, it surpassed it, for L to acknowledge it. Light didn’t want to lose to L.

Except that wasn’t quite right.

Light didn’t want to lose L.

‘Fuck,’ he whispered.

L cocked his head, raising an eyebrow. ‘Is this your confession, Light?’

Light’s gaze hardened, and his lips pulled back in a snarl. He released L’s wrist and pulled his fist back. L threw his arm up to cover his face and jerked to the side as Light’s fist came down, slamming into the floor by his head. Light yelped in pain and L pushed him up and round, rolling them across the floor, pinning Light.

Light flexed his throbbing hand, reaching up and grabbing a fistful of L’s dark hair before he could grab Light’s wrist, yanking it back painfully. L grunted, his hand wrapped around Light’s to stop him from pulling, glaring down at him. Their arms trembled as they struggled to escape the other’s grip, stuck in a stalemate. Again. Their legs still tangled, either of them could take the cheap shot and knee the other in the groin, but somehow that didn’t seem appropriate, as if this was somehow a fair fight. Their faces were inches apart, close enough for their noses to almost touch, breathing heavily. Light’s vision was encompassed by the dark, unnerving eyes boring into him, his own reflection staring back at him.

‘Tell me you’re Kira,’ L demanded. ‘I’ll know one way or another. Confess!'

Light huffed, snarling. ‘ _This_ is my confession.’

He shot forward, crashing their mouths together furiously, claiming more than romantic, another challenge for L to meet. L froze above him, his dark, emotionless eyes widening in shock, fuelling Light’s delight that he could wring an emotional response out of L. He closed his eyes, taking a moment to feel the softness of L’s lips, the sweetness that lingered on his own when he pulled away. He watched with hooded eyes as the tip of L’s tongue dart out between his lips, running over the bottom one briefly as if chasing Light’s own taste with a dazed look on his face.

His attention snapped back to Light, looking at him as if for the first time. His grip on Light’s hand relaxed, falling to Light’s chest to join his other one, fingers curling into his shirt. ‘Light…’

Light held his breath, his heart thundering beneath L's palms, his own hand loosening it's grip on L's hair as he waited L's reply.

'L-'

Pain exploded across Light’s face, his vision going white as blood spurted from his nose. He yowled, releasing L and clutching his throbbing nose, the wet heat of the blood coating his palm as he sat up, L already pushing away to put distance between them. Light sat up and glared at him, eyes ablaze behind the tears of pain and rage gathering along the waterline. L returned the glare with equal fury, crouching on the floor out of reach from him.

‘What the hell was that?’ he demanded.

‘I thought it would be obvious to even you, L,’ Light snarled back thickly, squeezing his eyes shut and groaning in pain. L shook his head in disbelief.

‘No. No! That was a cheap trick and a weak one at that.’

‘It’s not a trick, L.’

‘You have never shown any interest in men before now,’ L argued. ‘You expect me to believe that you have suddenly developed feelings for me, conveniently now that I am so close to exposing you?’

‘L, I have never shown a genuine interest in _anyone_ before now!’ Light winced, resting one arm across his bent knee while he grabbed the hem of his shirt and bundled it against his nose with his free hand. ‘You are the only person who has ever been interesting to me. You’re the only person who was as smart as I was, who could compete with me, in intellect, in sport, everything! Of _course,_ I’m going to show an interest in you. Believe me, it’s as much a surprise to me as it is to you.’

‘I do not have any interest in pursuing a relationship with you, Light,’ L said, though with less bite than before.

‘I would never have guessed.’

‘You are the prime suspect in the middle of a murder investigation that I am in charge of.’

‘I am aware of that.’

‘It would be considered gross misconduct on my part.’

‘I am also aware of that.’

‘Then _why_ _would you_ —’

‘I don’t want you to die!’ Light interrupted, his gaze sharpening on L. L fell silent, staring at him with narrowed, suspicious eyes. Light sighed, rubbing his head. It was pounding after so many hits – he’d probably need to go to the hospital, with a likely broken nose and a broken hand and god knows what else, with everything hurting in equal measures.

‘I won’t confess to being Kira,’ he said. ‘You’re crazy if you think anyone would do that, L.’

‘Then, the only way to determine if you are indeed Kira, is to test the Notebook.’

‘I won’t let you do that, L,’ Light said, shaking his head. ‘I’m not going to let you kill yourself.’

‘Because you want to kill me, yourself.’

‘If I did – and this is _not_ a confession, L – I wouldn’t kill you with the Notebook. So, I’m not going to let you use the Notebook to kill yourself, either.’

‘So where does that leave us?’ L asked, raising his hands palm up to shoulder level. ‘Another stalemate.’

‘Think of another way out of it,’ Light said. ‘Just don’t try to test the Notebook.’

‘By saying that, you’re all but proving the thirteen-day rule is fake,’ L said, cocking his head. Light shrugged, keeping his face blank. L bit his lip, tapping his fingers against his knee in thought. Light waited for him to speak, but before L could say anything, the phone rang shrilly somewhere across the floor in the darkness. Both snapped their heads towards the sound, jumping in surprise. 

Overhead, thunder rumbled in tge distance, retreating.

Glancing at Light, L stood and hurried over to the phone, picking it up between two fingers and opening it.

‘L…’ Light pleaded.

‘Ryuzaki here,’ L spoke over him, keeping his back turned to Light. ‘Watari, yes, is the Task Force all there? Thank you. Watari?’

Light looked up from having his head in his hands, his gaze meeting L’s as L turned to face him, staring at him with an unreadable expression. Light’s heart hammered in his chest under his gaze, his throat going dry as he waited for L to speak, feeling him slip away, his numbers ticking down to zero.

‘Send them all home,’ L said. Light exhaled heavily, sagging down to the floor with relief.

‘Yes, Watari, you heard me,’ L said. ‘New evidence has come to light that needs to be taken into consideration before moving forward with the investigation, so I will not be proceeding with my experiments today. No, it is unlikely in the near future, too. Yes Watari, I am fine. On an unrelated note, Light and I are in need of medical attention, which will likely halt the investigation for a day or two as well. We fell down the stairs. Yes, both of us. No, Watari. Yes, I understand. Yes, thank you.’

L snapped the phone shut, and slid it into his pocket. He exhaled a heavy breath, looking up to the ceiling and the storm passing over the skylight. Light closed his eyes, exhaustion overtaking him. He wanted to sleep for a week, but he knew he couldn’t: he had Misa and Rem to deal with, convince them that his plans had to be adjusted and that L was to remain unharmed. He had to alter his course, unsure where his new destination lay: if L couldn’t die, what was his end game, now?

He opened his eyes when he felt a presence looming over him, looking up to see L standing over him with his hand outstretched in offering. Light looked at it, then up into the shadows shrouding L’s face, indistinguishable in the darkness. He reached up and grasped his hand, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

L did not release his hand when he had steadied himself, looking down at it clasped in his own, pale hand. He did not speak, and Light remained silent, looking at the crown of his head in curiosity, as if he would find the answers if he stared hard enough.

‘You compromise me,’ L whispered. Light blinked, unsure if he heard correctly.

‘What?’

L raised his head, his gaze solemn and sincere. ‘I don’t know what that means for me, but I know I’ve also never found anyone as interesting as I do you, Light. Considering you a friend was already a transgression against the integrity of the case, as that in itself creates a conflict of interest. I cannot entertain the idea that our mutual interest in each other goes beyond platonic bonds.’

‘I know, L.’

‘If you are Kira,’ L continued. ‘Then I would never consider it even for a second. Kira’s ideologies are that of a delusional child thinking they are something they are not; their moral and ethical standards are repugnant and I would see that the world is rid of such a person who would dare take such power over other’s lives as if they were trivialities.’

Light ducked his head in the midst of L’s tirade, his fingers tightening around L’s hand. He balled his free hand into a fist, closing his eyes in acceptance. The threat of execution still loomed over his head should he be caught; he realised a moment later it did not sway his desire to keep L alive. Going forward, he must tread the line between his own death and L’s. The thought made his heart clench with fear, as if it knew itself a heart attack could be waiting just around the corner.

‘However,’ L said quietly. Light’s eyes snapped open, raising to meet L’s gaze. ‘However, I may have made a key mistake in my investigation, when I failed to acknowledge an important variable that would have influenced my deductions.’

‘What’s that?’ Light whispered.

‘Based on your actions while you were under house arrest, and your desire and enthusiasm in catching Kira and bring him to justice, compared to the evidence against you prior and following that time in the investigation,’ L said. ‘I failed to take into consideration the possibility of the Notebook potentially being Kira itself, or at the very least, a significant contributing factor to the creation of Kira.’

‘L,’ Light whispered. ‘The Notebook can’t kill without someone wielding the pen.’

‘True,’ L agreed. ‘But, if it is a variable that I failed to take into consideration, I will need to re-examine the evidence I have collected and apply it against the existence of the Notebook before I proceed any further in determining the identity of both Kira and second Kira.’

He looked pointedly at Light as he said this, and Light suddenly realised what he was saying: he was giving Light time, not much Light was sure, but it was time he desperately needed to reevaluate his plans and alter them. However long L allowed him without compromising his own morals, it would have to be enough.

He swallowed, feeling himself shiver where he stood. L’s gaze travelled over Light’s face, and he reached up with his free hand, brushing a lock of Light’s hair out of his face before cupping his cheek. Light tilted his head into it, closing his eyes as he relaxed into the cool pressure of L’s touch when he felt the softest brush of lips against his own. He snapped his eyes open, but already L was retreating, dropping his hand away and stepping back, although he kept hold of Light’s hand.

‘You compromise me, Light,’ he repeated. ‘I don’t know how that it going to affect the investigation moving forward.’

Light said nothing, unsure of what to say. L looked away first, turning towards the door and tugging Light forward with him. Light followed in silence as they made their way gingerly down the steps, wincing and limping back into main headquarters.

Glancing out the corner of his eye, Light looked down at their clasped hands, and shifted to lace their fingers together experimentally. L didn’t pull away, nor did he acknowledge what Light had done. He looked forward again, reaching for the door handle and swinging the heavy metal door open. Beside him, L made a noise at the back of his throat, catching Light’s attention.

‘What’s wrong?'

L cocked his head, his eyes drawn upwards, as if trying to listen out for something, before he looked back to Light. ‘I can’t hear the bells anymore.’

Light blinked, still unsure what he meant. L didn’t explain further, tugging on Light’s hand to follow him, and together they headed back into Task Force Headquarters, the door swinging shut with a quiet click behind them as the heavy rains began ease outside the windows.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on my [tumblr](http://aluxra.tumblr.com) and thanks for reading :)
> 
> A/N Found today that Jason Derulo's new song "If I'm Lucky" fits this OTP quite nicely.


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